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June 24, 2011

5

WNBA = Mohawks by Austen Lane

by Austen Lane

Austen Lane wrote his third blog, and this time, compared the WNBA and Mohawks. I don’t know how he did it, but it’s even funnier than the last comparison! He develops the “Austen Lane’s WNBA Guide for People Who Have Nothing Left to Hold On To!” AL also wrote about his teammate, Larry Hart’s Mohawk. He encourages you to vote in his poll too. I believe this is his best one yet. You will too.

With all the hype around my blog last week, I asked myself if I could possibly keep this up… How long will I be able to produce a product that people can digest with laughter only to be left wanting more? If Indiana Jones has taught us anything, he’s taught us that even #EPIC dynasties (such as this blog) can eventually fall and leave people wanting their money and their life back. (Indiana Jones and the Island of the Crystal Skull… anyone?) Thankfully, my blog is free for now, so it’s really only time you could be wasting. With that said, it was a brief encounter I had with a gentleman (I didn’t get his name) at Chipotle that gave me the strength to press on. He simply said “I’m a big fan of your blog. Keep up the good work.” I know he will be reading. Sir, this blog post is dedicated to you!

Whether it’s my freshman year on prom night or the lockout, I vowed I’d never talk about those things again… But people want to know what’s up with each. (The lockout that is, and the prom night incident is dying with me). How ironic that as I sit here in the computer lab typing this blog a woman next to me is asking me what is going on with the lockout at this very moment. (Not lying). I honestly don’t have a date to deliver, but I can do this… Seeing how the lockout could possibly go on for a longer period of time I have designed a full proof sports fan guide for entertainment, while football is M.I.A. I give you, and did I mention this is free?  

Austen Lane’s WNBA Guide for People Who Having Nothing Left to Hold On To!
Here’s what you need to know:
1) The Seattle Storm won the Championship last year.
2) Candace Parker is leading the WNBA in dunks with .0147 a game. (I actually crunched the numbers)
3) Marion Jones plays on a team. That’s seriously all you need to know.
4) The rest is Jump shots and ponytails.

Larry Hart Mo-Hawk Watch 2011: I spoke with Larry today at a training session and asked him if he was going to keep it… WARNING!! PUT THE WIFE AND KIDS TO BED: His response and I quote, “I am going to keep it for the season.” This decision will of course lead to the fact that people will think he is part of some kind of Rookie hazing when he indeed “wants his hair that style.” Needless to say this concludes the Mo-Hawk Watch. It’s a sad day for Jag fans everywhere, and even a sadder day for SWAG in general.  So in a last ditch effort, like an intervention for a Heroine addict, I’m asking the help of the Blog Nation. Please vote in this poll and show your support. Maybe if we get enough people to vote Larry will change his mind, so vote YES or NO for the Mohawk…

Lately, I’ve been getting comments on my twitter about me trying to holler at Taylor Swift. Is this a joke? Do I really find her attractive? The answer is yes I think she is great, solely because I think she can sing. A good voice can go a long way. I mean I would date Cher if it was socially acceptable, and it wouldn’t put my religion in question. I am Lutheran by the way.

Another side note… People seemed to be calling me out when I failed to comprehend that in the movie, “The Green Lantern”, the ring is able to make aliens speak universal English. I just want to apologize to anyone who was offended by my tweet. I didn’t know the ring was that powerful… Too bad it wasn’t powerful enough to get a movie rating higher than TWO out of FIVE stars. (I don’t recommend it, but you can go see it and blow your money… I don’t care.)

5 Comments Post a comment
  1. Jun 24 2011

    Keep your Mohawk Larry! Guys named Larry need every edge they can get. channel your inner “Clubber Lang”.

    Reply
  2. Jun 24 2011

    Well, I’m going to see Green Lantern anyway, but good to know I shouldn’t have very high expectations. As for the mohawk…if Larry wants to get laughed at, more power to him. You just better hope it doesn’t give him Lantern-like powers and lets him take away your playing time!

    Reply
  3. Jun 25 2011

    Keep it coming Austen! I’m extremely excited for the upcoming WNBA season.

    Reply
  4. Rhett
    Jun 26 2011

    Take a picture of Larry’s mohawk, so we can all see how bad it is.

    Reply
  5. Lars
    Aug 10 2011

    Damn, Aus, funny as hell as always!

    Reply

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