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July 10, 2011

4

Don’t Be a Blue Ghost by Austen Lane

by Austen Lane

Austen Lane wrote his fourth and final blog for us here at Pro Interviews. I don’t know how he did it, but it’s even funnier than the last comparison! This time he compiles the “Austen Lane’s List of Weak Links” which includes, but is not limited to Velma from Scooby Doo, the Yellow Starburst, and Pop-Tarts. AL also wrote about his opinion of the Transformers this past weekend. It’s a great closing to Austen Lane’s blogs.

After a 4TH of July blog break I am back in full effect. Seeing how it was another failed attempt this year of blowing up my blog hands from fire crackers you get to reap the benefits.  Get ready because I’m going to blow your minds, let them rebuild from the ruble, and then blow your minds again!

Shocking outcome in the Larry Hart Mo-Hawk watch as a majority of people voted for Larry to keep his hair. Of course by majority of people I mean Larry Voted 145 times for himself. (Go figure more voting controversy in the sunshine state.) Nonetheless Larry won and therefore, I give him my blog blessing to keep his Hawk.

Not only is this lockout having amazing effects on my twitter skills but also schemes to get rich! My new venture is a product that I’m looking to get patented.  My Pitch: Have you ever got down to the bottom of the Peanut Butter jar and had trouble getting the rest out while making a huge mess all over your hands. You spend thousands of U.S. currency on paper towels for the sole fact that you’re wiping peanut butter from your grimy knuckles. That thousands of dollars is taken out of your child’s college fund and now you get to give the “Sorry slugger you’re going to community college” speech. That’s why I’m going to invent a jar with lids on each side. When it’s getting hard to scrape that last bit of peanut butter you just turn the jar over and unscrew the other side. Problem solved! (If anyone tries to copy this I will destroy them.)

I was playing Pac-Man the other day and I made an interesting discovery. The Blue ghost is a full-blown joke. I mean constantly going in the wrong direction, loafing (football term for slacking on a play) and half the time he is hanging in the corner by himself. I don’t know who scouted this guy but that person needs to be fired and stripped of all unemployment benefits. Through my disbelief of this blue clown it finally dawned on me… Without the weak link, the good people wouldn’t look so good. So this is a tribute to the weak links of the world. Without them… No one would be shining.

Finally, I had the honor of seeing Transformers this past weekend, I’m not going to say if I loved it or hated it *Cough Hated It*. If you haven’t seen it and plan on it, look for three key things in this movie that you might miss with all of Michel Bay’s Explosions and Megan Fox’s replacement.

1. How many times Shia Lebeouf screams like a Bieber fanatic
2. How big of a pansy they make Optimus Prime look… Hint: Power lines
3. How Bumblebee is a quitter, and therefore, he should not be welcome in our home planet.

I want to wish everyone a good week. Remember to always keep it classy.

4 Comments Post a comment
  1. Jul 10 2011

    Best one yet. Keep them coming!

    Reply
  2. Jul 10 2011

    Great job, Austen…enjoying the humor during these dark days in lockout land. Hope to see you on the field soon.

    Reply
  3. Edward
    Jul 13 2011

    Great great list Austen. This is truly the best blog I read.

    Reply
  4. TheShaguar
    Aug 3 2011

    Someone said to follow you on Twitter.

    Now I see why.

    Reply

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